Little Girls

They have captured our hearts,

Softened our edges,

and

taught us about Heaven

Imagine our joy:

Baby Girl #3

Due May 1, 2010

(pictures by daily grapefruit)

Saying goodbye to the Beach

This is Leah, kissing pieces of the beach

Saying goodbye to our favorite "neighbor"

We moved.

And although we are only

7 mins from the sand,

we are no longer ON the sand.

and we will miss that

What a gift it was while it lasted!

Maleficent

Look what my little girl wanted to be for Halloween...

Maleficent

You know, the Sleeping Beauty witch

She LOVES it!

Yeah, I know, kinda frightening.

All her friends are disney princesses, tinkerbell, ladybugs, or other sweet pink things.

But this is Leah, fiercely independent and ready for our scary big world.

I love it.

Come back!

This week I said good bye to the last of our summer visitors... and I felt my heart actually dive out of me, as if trying to chase them down the street. It was horrible.

4 years ago I sat alone in our newly-wed apartment waiting for the time when I would drive to Salt Lake and pick up my husband from the airport. He was coming back from a job interview in California, a job interview I hoped would not go so well. I even prayed the entire way to the airport that when the plane touched down he would feel that this was home, this was sanctuary, this was the place we were meant to be.

But that was NOT what he felt, at all.

And so I spent the next week in tears, not wanting to know... dreading asking the Lord for an answer about California. I remember one morning on our couch, reading my scriptures, finally feeling brave enough to find out. I remember the feeling, gentle and sure. I remember that day in church and the powerful messages directed to me. and I will never forget the peace of confirmation that came when I let go of my own agenda and wanted what God wanted.

I knew in my heart that the Lord knew best, that He knew me, that leaving my home, family, life, etc., was all part of a plan for my happiness.

But that journey to happiness was often filled with deep trenches of sadness, loneliness, and aching. Trenches that carved out greater space in my heart for happiness.

And it was also filled with lots of visits from family. Because although the Lord led us away to California, He led us to the beach, literally, and that can't help but bring visitors our way. I wouldn't change the piles of dirty towels and sheets, the sand stuck in every cranny of this place all summer. Because it reminds me that family and love reach beyond distance and state lines. Each visit reminds me that what we have is FOREVER, is real.

And although I sat last night dreaming somehow of a way back to Utah, once again, I can't help realize how each relationship with my family is greater, more treasured, than before. I mean, who would have imagined that just watching my brother drive away would bring big tears to my eyes, or make me long to be his neighbor.

Come back everyone, come back until we come home.

Major Moments

2 major moments in Leah's life occurred this week:

1st

Leah went to nursery and stayed in nursery

all by herself

the whole time!

(I made that dress!!)

and 2nd:

She got her first dress-up!

I know Halloween is still much more than a month away, but I couldn't help it!

It was a day like any other day, just cruising an outdoor mall with a friend when we innocently stumbled into a toy store. And just past the cash register

she saw them.

Glittering, sparkling, enchanting her.

Leah gasped (like she has at every store that is sporting their princess halloween loot). Breathless, she ran to them, ran in place and carefully touched them, mouth open in awe. (Sounds dramatic, i know, but it WAS).

I stood back, enjoying once again this display of pure childhood bliss. She was in heaven, debating which one was her favorite.

"Oh this is my fav... no this one.. is .. my... oh! this one!"

I pulled myself from my own bit of heaven of watching this, to see if my friend had noticed.

Not only had she watched it, she was crying.

"That is just so cute!"she confessed, as she turned her head to wipe her tears.

And it is true, anyone who could have seen that moment of pure of childhood goodness, the joy of something so simple, the awe of a little girl transformed in a toy store into a true princess... just might have cried too.

It was one of those moments I will treasure in my mommy heart,

forever.

Mom...why you so happy?

I know, you're all SHOCKED that I am posting again...

There have been some complications okay! But, I have a husband again, which after 3 grueling years feels incredible. This wonderful, blissful, and completely "new" life hasn't left much room for posting.

So without further stalling, here it is, wish me luck...it's been a while

The number one question Leah asks me these days, and there are SO many of them, goes like this, "Mom, why you so happy?" She says it with such concern and interest...never bored of hearing my sometimes very boring answers. But sometimes she catches me in such a happy moment that her little voice, her concerned brow, her sparkling eyes seem to emphasize all that makes me happy in life. Like a reminder of just how happy I SHOULD always be. Because I have her. I have him. I have Jenna. I have it ALL!

So here is why I am so happy these days...

why are you so happy?

Finish Line

I can't really blog about this yet... 

I will just end up sobbing with joy at the computer.  

But I will say,

this was a really good day.

One of the best I have had in 3 years.

He did it!

We made it.

Together.

okay, bawling...

 try to write more later I guess!

4 words

You know how sometimes there are somethings that only your mom can tell you. Tough things, the kind of things that you would only hear coming from someone who loves you, a lot. This past week mine told me one of those. It came as four simple words, and from a heart who really knows.

I complain to her, to many of you reading this, about how I never see Scott between school and work, how I'm not cut out for single parenting, how my children wake up at 6am, disciplining my dramatic two-year old, the list goes on (for a long time actually). It is easy to get focused on all these reasons, some of them quite valid, for feeling put out and totally overwhelmed.

She talked to me about her life while my dad was in law school.... 2 kids (at the beginning of 3 years, not the end), a sacrificed career, a non-existent budget for much of anything, and much more. I listened, feeling validated, amazed and very out-done in my so called "hard-life." But it wasn't until days later that she gave me her key to her survival, then and now.

So, straight from the post-it that now hangs on my mirror, here it is:

Focus on the Positive

Nothing really unique, but just very inspired. Life is hard. Really hard, and sometimes it stays that way for a while. It is in those moments, those years possibly, that our natures change (or have the opportunity to). If I ever want to share eternity with people who have sacrificed and survived much more than I ever will, I think I honestly need the hard times, need the opportunity to change. And so, I am sharing this hit-the-spot advice along with my ever-growing list of things I love about my life (coming soon).

Signs of Summer

Splashing

Shade

Scott

Sunglasses

The Duckie

Bath time at the no-bath beach house

A work of heart

A couple months ago while staying at my mom's house I spied her old sewing machine sitting on a shelf in the basement, un-used and forgotten. It took a while to find a way to get it down here, and find a place in my house to put it (gotta love apartment living!). But yesterday I finally pulled it out of its old box and sat down to start a little sewing project for Leah. I sat there for a minute, suddenly stunned.

I could feel my mom. I could feel all the hours and hours and days and years she had sat at this very machine. I could feel her warm worn hands and see her brow furrowed in concentration to make it just right. I could see my Christmas nightgown and bathrobe from when I was 4, all my girl scout badges, the piles and piles of my hemmed pants, even my senior prom dress. So many late nights. So much time.
And I suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.

Does she even know how much all of that meant to me? How much more it means to me now as I sit, a mother myself, about to spend hours on a project that my daughter may only wear briefly. And suddenly I realized how stitched I am, heart to heart, with my mother. My angel, ever-sacrificing, ever-giving, and never selfish mother.
She is in every stitch of me.

And so I sat there, sewing an apron for my little Leah, and hoped, in some similar way, I was stitching us together as well. Adding my love for her to the tapestry of love created by my mom, and her mom, and her mom...

Spring Break

We are going to be doing a lot less of this:

And a lot more of this:

for the next 2 weeks.

Spring Break has never been so welcomed.
(Well, maybe last year when I was in school too...)
For the next 2 weeks Scott will come home from work and NOT be doing homework.
What are we going to do with ourselves!!?!

Classic Jenna Moments

It's another "no-go" on the baby food
...time, after time, after time...
Just another rice cereal mural on her face, clothes, feet, hair, and mom
Gotta Love that messy little face



We are in this exciting stage:


Reach...

Pull...

Ingest!

After a long day at Disneyland:

Classic Leah

Classic Jenna

Always a smile...always.

Just Right

Just the right outfit.

Just the right atmosphere

Just the right babysitter

Just the right place

Just the right guy

Mini's

At least one decision has been made for a long time: we need a new car. make that 2 new cars. Ours were in bad need of replacement and as soon as there was some space in the budget we knew just what we had to buy. But deciding just what to buy, well that was another story entirely - this story:

So we all know that when it comes to cars, clothes, actually anything, Scott is all about function over fashion! (maybe most guys are?!) Then I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that Scott was smitten by Honda's Odyssey Minivan. Which, sure is some people's dream vehicle. I mean really, the features are unreal when it comes to driving around small kids: the automatic sliding doors, the low floors that the kids can just climb in, the "hallway" that lets me walk back to my kids like a stewardess to care for their every demand, and of course, the dvd player - need I say more.

But as we walked onto the car lot and saw this incredibly functional vehicle, all I could think was "Ugh!! a MiniVan!" We test drove other possibilities, any other possibility, but in the end I had to agree with Scott, the minivan trumps when it comes to function! So slightly depressed we returned home from the car lot with the next decision made, we were going to get a minivan after Christmas. How anti-climatic I thought. Finally a new car! -- Ugh a minivan..

That night, in a moment of weakness, I blurted out what I'd been thinking for too long. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad driving a minivan if we also had a mini cooper!" I paused, wondering how Scott would handle my confession. "Yeah, that would be nice" he all-too-casually agreed, without really hearing me.

Or so I thought.

It was the night before the trek to Utah and all through the day I'd been packing our car up - "loading the sleigh"
I'd been cooking and cleaning - dreading the ride, counting the minutes till Scott would be there at my side.
When 5 o'clock came I rushed out the door, loaded the kids and put the pedal to the floor.
Outside of his work Scott anxiously spied, with a curious look in his twinkling eye.
"Where's your car?" I asked quickly, "we need to transfer our things." It's around here I'm sure, for it to work he did bring.
And then time stood still as he said with a smile, we're not taking that car, no, not one little mile.
Around the corner it came with a big bright red bow, not the minivan no, but a mini Cooper to go.
His face and mine filled with utter delight, as the reality dawned of what was in sight.
Just a symbol, that's all, of the love that Scott shares, ever convincing me that he'll always be there.
This moment is forever etched in my heart, the moment he gave me much more that a car.
In his loving eyes he said that night, fulfilling your dreams is the prettiest sight.

My mini:



His mini:

A Walk on the Boardwalk

(with my favorite stroller:
the Phil & Ted Classic)

Every time I walk the boardwalk I can't help but feel stunned by the beauty of
life's little creations.

These.

and these