Come back!

This week I said good bye to the last of our summer visitors... and I felt my heart actually dive out of me, as if trying to chase them down the street. It was horrible.

4 years ago I sat alone in our newly-wed apartment waiting for the time when I would drive to Salt Lake and pick up my husband from the airport. He was coming back from a job interview in California, a job interview I hoped would not go so well. I even prayed the entire way to the airport that when the plane touched down he would feel that this was home, this was sanctuary, this was the place we were meant to be.

But that was NOT what he felt, at all.

And so I spent the next week in tears, not wanting to know... dreading asking the Lord for an answer about California. I remember one morning on our couch, reading my scriptures, finally feeling brave enough to find out. I remember the feeling, gentle and sure. I remember that day in church and the powerful messages directed to me. and I will never forget the peace of confirmation that came when I let go of my own agenda and wanted what God wanted.

I knew in my heart that the Lord knew best, that He knew me, that leaving my home, family, life, etc., was all part of a plan for my happiness.

But that journey to happiness was often filled with deep trenches of sadness, loneliness, and aching. Trenches that carved out greater space in my heart for happiness.

And it was also filled with lots of visits from family. Because although the Lord led us away to California, He led us to the beach, literally, and that can't help but bring visitors our way. I wouldn't change the piles of dirty towels and sheets, the sand stuck in every cranny of this place all summer. Because it reminds me that family and love reach beyond distance and state lines. Each visit reminds me that what we have is FOREVER, is real.

And although I sat last night dreaming somehow of a way back to Utah, once again, I can't help realize how each relationship with my family is greater, more treasured, than before. I mean, who would have imagined that just watching my brother drive away would bring big tears to my eyes, or make me long to be his neighbor.

Come back everyone, come back until we come home.