You know what carves out your soul like nothing else? Waiting. I don't think I am totally out for lunch here when I say that many of our generation had different expectations for what life would be bringing us at this point in our lives. Over the last 3 months I've had a dear friends lose homes, jobs - good secure ones, and perhaps a bit of hope. Over the past year and a half we've been on a pretty intense waiting journey ourselves - first for a new job, our big break, big change. But that wasn't the plan. Expectations changed - hope shattered. Time passed. The kaleidoscope shifted and we were on a whole new waiting journey - waiting and working for a new business to pick up, for a new life in a new place to pick up.
But there are other things we wait for too. Things that I can't share, that I can't fix, that I can't believe are part of my life. And so I wait, hoping against hope that someday these too will make sense.
I used to believe that if I believe, work, pray and hope that miracles will happen significantly close to my personal time frame. Or at least by the time I really needed them. But I've learned that my Savior needs me broken before he can really heal me, before his answers, his help is REAL. He's taken me beyond, so far beyond, what I thought my breaking point was. He's broken me and held me with his hope as I've cried.
So I hold onto hope, hope that somehow, someday all the breaking and waiting and working will reveal a version of myself that the Lord will be proud of, a version that will be ready to meet Him when he comes.