For three months we've waited for the news about a possible job in Utah. The idea of moving home was startling at first, something we've wondered about since we came here almost 5 years ago. (Something I've day dreamed of during those tender months after the birth of my babies, or during a million other tender times.) The interview went well and we were told we would have answer in a week...which turned into a few weeks...which turned into 3 months.
3 MONTHS of thinking that your whole life is about to change any day.
Finally at the beginning of January we got the call we had been waiting for. We got the job. Salary and moving expenses were all negotiated. They told us the official offer letter would be coming in the morning. And so we celebrated. We were going home.
But the letter didn't come the next day, or the next week. And after 2 more weeks of waiting the phone call we had not been waiting for came. They gave the job away to someone else.
Crushed. Shocked. Confused. So very sad.
We went to the Lord, pled for understanding. Instead we got peace. Pled for help in surviving the fact that nothing was changing, no one was going home.
It has been a personal purifying journey. I don't think it's over. I don't feel like this story has resolution, or an ending, or that it even makes any sense to my heart. But I know a couple of things. And this is why I came out of my cave today to blog.
I know... that Heaven speaks to us. That there can be communication as real as anything tangible. That He speaks to me and doesn't lie.
I know... that there is only 1 way out of pain, and that is not anger, it is trust.
I also know... that if and when I fall, the Lord sends angels to catch me, always.
11 comments:
Wow, I can't even imagine. Wish I could give you a giant hug. Its so difficult (sometimes impossible) to see past to the bigger picture...but you seem to be doing it. I envy your faith :)
Miss you my friend.
This is great, Michelle.
Thank you for posting! You are a champ, especially for not being angry. It's hard not to be angry, but those words are profound... that trust is the way out. You are amazing, because I'm still kind of angry :) We will always be close at heart. It was so good to see you last weekend. I love you!
Ugh...I have to say though, we are SO HAPPY you are staying! Seriously!!! So happy!! You will get your Utah back, I promise! But for now, we like you here :)
I can't imagine the roller coaster ride you have been on the past few months. Matthew is beginning to apply for jobs and I feel the ride starting to take off for us. Graduation around the corner and the unknown just after that. I know the Lord knows what's best for you and your little family. Lots of love!
i am glad you have some peace after this trial. and you are home. there are multiple homes out there... wherever you are at the moment has to be your home. California loves you. we love you.
I just love you and I love that you're staying here with me for a bit longer. I can't do Cali without you!
Ok Mush. You really deserve a medal for what you have been through, at least a purple heart for dealing with the wounded on the front lines. Teaching us all how to cope and pick yourself back up and keep going. I'm with you I don't think the story is over yet either. We've had our faith tested now we are learning about HOPE. Love you all so much and hope hope hope we will see you in Utah sometime sooner than later.......
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for posting. I have checked daily for 3 months. I knew this post would come and I knew it would be fantastic- which of course you didn't disappoint me. Thanks for sharing those tender feelings mush. We all love you. Especially me. It's so easy to be angry, but of course you are only trusting and loving even more than ever. Such an example. I'm praying for you guys. I love you!
Wow, a new post from Sunshine Day?! I knew SOMETHING had to be up...I've received like three comments from you in the past week. That's more than the past two years! :) Keep it up, I love hearing from you!
Again, I am so sorry for all that you guys have been through. But I know something great will come out of it, I really do.
Hang in there. And call if you ever feel like chatting. I mean, don't call between 6:30am-8:00pm, because that is when Mitchell is whining, but...
:)
Call.
I'm so sorry for you guys, and can totally relate to what you are going through. Twice now we have been told there is a job for you in Utah. I get really excited and spend every living moment looking at houses on the internet and dreaming of family memories waiting to happen. Then we find out there wasn't enough funding, or just can't hire right now, and my heart gets broken.
It's so hard wanting, and praying for something that would be so wonderful for your family and seems like a really non-selfish thing, that it seems like a no brainer that it would work out. Yet I too am learning to listen to The Lord and trying to figure out how to be grateful that I am not getting to do what I think is best for my family. Having faith that He knows what is best for us is the only thing I have to rely on most days.
Hang in there. There is sunshine at the end of the tunnel somewhere, I just know it!
Post a Comment