Pinkalicious!!

Just a few shots from our 2nd annual
Pinkalicious Party

Pink! Pink!! Pink!!!

So, it's been over 3 months since I have surfaced in the blogging world and for good reason. But here I am, about to pour my heart out to a web page that I'm not sure anyone really visits anymore. But to those of you listening, wondering why the disappearance, here I go.

For three months we've waited for the news about a possible job in Utah. The idea of moving home was startling at first, something we've wondered about since we came here almost 5 years ago. (Something I've day dreamed of during those tender months after the birth of my babies, or during a million other tender times.) The interview went well and we were told we would have answer in a week...which turned into a few weeks...which turned into 3 months.

3 MONTHS of thinking that your whole life is about to change any day.

Finally at the beginning of January we got the call we had been waiting for. We got the job. Salary and moving expenses were all negotiated. They told us the official offer letter would be coming in the morning. And so we celebrated. We were going home.

But the letter didn't come the next day, or the next week. And after 2 more weeks of waiting the phone call we had not been waiting for came. They gave the job away to someone else.

Crushed. Shocked. Confused. So very sad.

We went to the Lord, pled for understanding. Instead we got peace. Pled for help in surviving the fact that nothing was changing, no one was going home.

It has been a personal purifying journey. I don't think it's over. I don't feel like this story has resolution, or an ending, or that it even makes any sense to my heart. But I know a couple of things. And this is why I came out of my cave today to blog.

I know... that Heaven speaks to us. That there can be communication as real as anything tangible. That He speaks to me and doesn't lie.

I know... that there is only 1 way out of pain, and that is not anger, it is trust.

I also know... that if and when I fall, the Lord sends angels to catch me, always.

Little Girls

They have captured our hearts,

Softened our edges,

and

taught us about Heaven

Imagine our joy:

Baby Girl #3

Due May 1, 2010

(pictures by daily grapefruit)

Saying goodbye to the Beach

This is Leah, kissing pieces of the beach

Saying goodbye to our favorite "neighbor"

We moved.

And although we are only

7 mins from the sand,

we are no longer ON the sand.

and we will miss that

What a gift it was while it lasted!

Maleficent

Look what my little girl wanted to be for Halloween...

Maleficent

You know, the Sleeping Beauty witch

She LOVES it!

Yeah, I know, kinda frightening.

All her friends are disney princesses, tinkerbell, ladybugs, or other sweet pink things.

But this is Leah, fiercely independent and ready for our scary big world.

I love it.

Come back!

This week I said good bye to the last of our summer visitors... and I felt my heart actually dive out of me, as if trying to chase them down the street. It was horrible.

4 years ago I sat alone in our newly-wed apartment waiting for the time when I would drive to Salt Lake and pick up my husband from the airport. He was coming back from a job interview in California, a job interview I hoped would not go so well. I even prayed the entire way to the airport that when the plane touched down he would feel that this was home, this was sanctuary, this was the place we were meant to be.

But that was NOT what he felt, at all.

And so I spent the next week in tears, not wanting to know... dreading asking the Lord for an answer about California. I remember one morning on our couch, reading my scriptures, finally feeling brave enough to find out. I remember the feeling, gentle and sure. I remember that day in church and the powerful messages directed to me. and I will never forget the peace of confirmation that came when I let go of my own agenda and wanted what God wanted.

I knew in my heart that the Lord knew best, that He knew me, that leaving my home, family, life, etc., was all part of a plan for my happiness.

But that journey to happiness was often filled with deep trenches of sadness, loneliness, and aching. Trenches that carved out greater space in my heart for happiness.

And it was also filled with lots of visits from family. Because although the Lord led us away to California, He led us to the beach, literally, and that can't help but bring visitors our way. I wouldn't change the piles of dirty towels and sheets, the sand stuck in every cranny of this place all summer. Because it reminds me that family and love reach beyond distance and state lines. Each visit reminds me that what we have is FOREVER, is real.

And although I sat last night dreaming somehow of a way back to Utah, once again, I can't help realize how each relationship with my family is greater, more treasured, than before. I mean, who would have imagined that just watching my brother drive away would bring big tears to my eyes, or make me long to be his neighbor.

Come back everyone, come back until we come home.

Major Moments

2 major moments in Leah's life occurred this week:

1st

Leah went to nursery and stayed in nursery

all by herself

the whole time!

(I made that dress!!)

and 2nd:

She got her first dress-up!

I know Halloween is still much more than a month away, but I couldn't help it!

It was a day like any other day, just cruising an outdoor mall with a friend when we innocently stumbled into a toy store. And just past the cash register

she saw them.

Glittering, sparkling, enchanting her.

Leah gasped (like she has at every store that is sporting their princess halloween loot). Breathless, she ran to them, ran in place and carefully touched them, mouth open in awe. (Sounds dramatic, i know, but it WAS).

I stood back, enjoying once again this display of pure childhood bliss. She was in heaven, debating which one was her favorite.

"Oh this is my fav... no this one.. is .. my... oh! this one!"

I pulled myself from my own bit of heaven of watching this, to see if my friend had noticed.

Not only had she watched it, she was crying.

"That is just so cute!"she confessed, as she turned her head to wipe her tears.

And it is true, anyone who could have seen that moment of pure of childhood goodness, the joy of something so simple, the awe of a little girl transformed in a toy store into a true princess... just might have cried too.

It was one of those moments I will treasure in my mommy heart,

forever.